Alive in Wonderland

Friday five: Best thing I ever ate (OC Edition)

1.) Eggplant Parmesan at the Andrea Restaurant at Pelican Hill: This dish is unique, fresh and, not that this really counts, but downright adorable. Served in its own cast iron skillet, you'll find yourself scrapping the sides to get ever bit of caramelized cheese and I would not judge you for that. Probably one of the best things I've ever eaten, like EVER. The Andrea, unsure on price.

2.) Togarashi Edamame Beans at The Lazy Dog Cafe. I never thought I'd have such strong feelings about a bean, but these aren't just any beans. Chef Gabe has coated them with chili flakes, loads of ginger and garlic and then the deal-sealer, orange peels. I honestly can say this dish one of my all-time favorites. All that plus it's fun to say: Togarashi Edamame! Try it. Lazy Dog Cafe, $4.50

 

3.) Roast Beef Sandwich at "A" Market. You might miss A Market if you're speeding down PCH, it's at that corner, the one where you turn from PCH to Newport Ave, right next to A Restaurant. You have to stop in to the quaint and sophisticated market and try their Roast Beef Sandwich. Everything meticulously placed between the Ciabata is fresh and tasty. The horseradish Havarti cheese is spicy, the watercress is cripy, the tomato is cold and juice and the roast beef is just heartbreakingly peppery and tender. It's a "I don't even like roast beef, but I love this sandwich" kind of roast beef sandwich. A Market, $8.25

 

4.) Blacked Chicken Taco at Taco Mesa. One of my favorite places to eat in OC is Taco Mesa. With four funky, friendly eateries around the county you've probably tried it at least once. Sometime I wake up craving their blackened chicken tacos and have to track one down. "Healthy Authentic" is their motto and this little number exemplifies it.  It's a mystery what their blend of cheeses is or how they make their white cream sauce, but couple them up with the cabbage relish and you're set for the best taco ever. Taco Mesa, $3.

 

5.) Crispy Tofu Salad at Tangaroa Terrace at The Disneyland Hotel. If you’re looking for a healthy meal while visiting Disneyland Resort, look no further than Tangaroa Terrace at the Disneyland Hotel. Chef Toby Hollis has put together a creative, eclectic menu of “fast casual” delights and my favorite is The Crispy Tofu Salad.  The moment I tasted the creamy goodness of those little tofu balls plopped on top of a mixed with the crunchy veggies, I was hooked.  Sit out on the patio and enjoy the salad or you can bring it over to Trader Sam's Enchanted Tiki Bar and order a cocktail to sip with your salad. Tangaroa Terrace, Crispy Tofu Salad, $8.49

Other Friday Fives from moi.

Five Notes from a Hopelessly Unskilled Housewife

Five Men Who Have My Permission to Wear Tank Tops (Others are not allowed)

My Top Five Romantic Comedies

Friday five: Top 5 movies for when I get the 'mean reds'

Friday Five:

There are those movies that always bring you back to life. The ones we pop on when we're home sick (or recovering from being *thrown* from a horse) or once they come up during channel surfing on a rainy day, we just have to stop and watch.

They're our "go-to" movies.

We all have them.  They're the ones that take us away from the messy house, gloomy day or whatever it is that's given us the "mean reds."  We collect them and pull them out when we need them.  

Since I've been home I've watched all of mine. Most are firmly in the "girl movie" category, but when I'm down, cute shoes, witty banter and George Peppard are what I need.  Here they are in order of their perking-up effect--#5 being my all-time favorite.

1.) Pride and Prejudice (2005): Mr. Darcy?  He cheers me up every time.
 

2.) Waiting for Guffman: Anything with Christopher Guest will do, but this is my favorite. "...just a Coke." Hilarious.
 

3.) When Harry Met Sally: Nora Ephron (the writer) is kind of like an idol to me. This is one of my favorite parts. "She look okay to me..."

 

4.) My Favorite Year: This is an obscure movie from the '80s. I like it because it's terribly funny and clever, but also because it reminds me of my brothers. We can recite this movie almost line-by-line. It was a family favorite and it always chases away the mean reds.

 

Drum-roll....

5.) Breakfast at Tiffany's: There are so many wonderful things about this movie; the look of it, Holly's charm and complexity, Fred Baby, the last scene with cat... I've watched it four times since I've been home. I just want to crawl inside and live inside this movie. 

 

 

 

Honorable Mentions: Amelie, Say Anything, Bridget Jones's Diary, The Muppet Movie (don't judge), Moonstruck, and naturally, His Girl Friday.

Friday five: Everybody has Vicodin in their purse, and 4 other things I've learned

In today's Friday Five I'm going to share five things I've learned since I've been healing my back from my accident. Most of the time I've been at home watching TV, working on my laptop and eating my way through every holiday treat Trader Joe's has to offer, but I have been getting out once a day for lunch or errands.  Here are few things I didn't know before...

1.) Everyone has Vicodin...and they're not stingy with it either. I can't tell you how many gals (God bless them) have pulled me aside and in a whispered voice said, "I have Vicodin in my purse, do you want one?"  Aside from it being illegal and all, I think they are little dolls for offering. Luckily, I have my own Vicodin, but I appreciate the gesture.

2.) My kids can do more than I thought. The situation has fast tracked my "use our children as our personal slaves" plan.  Who knew my kids could do so much--fetch Diet Coke, wash the dishes, draw a bath? If you have a  kid over 5 and they aren't pulling half the domestic weight in your house, you're being robbed.

3.) Despite all indicators leading me to believe otherwise up until the day I was hurt, the world does not stop turning if I'm not going at 135% everyday, all day.  It's surprisingly nice to know I'm not *that* big a deal.

4.) Thanks to the new TV channel 'HUB' I now appreciate the genius and charm of Alex P. Keaton.

5.) People like me! They really like me! The outpouring of help has been overwhelming and touching. Some of the bloggers for OC Family had a cleaner come to my house. We've been offered meals, sent flowers and had hundreds of Tweets of encouragement, Facebook well-wishes and emails of concern.  Thank you to everyone who has made this time of recuperating easier.

Friday five: My top five apps

I'm deeply committed to my iPhone, but never download apps without a glowing recommendation from a friend or relentless begging from my kids.  That said, every app I have is used frequently and falls heavy into the "Mom app" category.  I honestly don't know what we did before smart phones. But I suppose at some point in the early '90s I said to someone, "I honestly don't know what we did without pagers."

1.) Best Camera is a photo app you can use to apply different effects--lightening, cropping, colorizing--to your iPhone photos. This is my most used app, by far. I use my camera on my iPhone daily. The most frustrating thing about iPhone photos is they can come out too dark--Best Camera can take care of that for you on the spot! Here's an example of what else Best Camera can do for you.

Vicki taken with iPhone

Vicki using Best Camera's Jewel effect

Vicki using Best Camera's Paris effect

2.) Angry Birds is a game app. I really would like to recommend this app, but be warned--it's addicting! My daughter, Emily, even made this comic about my love of Angry Birds.

Yeah, it's that good.

3.) Hipstamatic is another photo app, but this one adds instant nostalgia to your  iPhone photos. Hipstamatic gives me the ability to be creative during even the most mundane errands or simple moments--I love that!  Check it out.

4.) iHandi Tip Calculator. This app will not only noodle your tip for you, it will also split the check for you.

5.)  Pandora is a free music channel streaming app that will play customized play lists for you on your iPhone.  I plug my iPhone into the speakers in the kitchen, then select an artist and let the Pandora create the soundtrack to dinner or homework time. Nothing like a little Clash mix to help me through beef stew and vocabulary words.

Friday Five: The Five Most Exasperating Meeting Personalities

  

(To see more of my Toonlets click here.)

I have attended my share of meetings.  So, I feel totally qualified to identify the "5 Most Prevalent and Exasperating Personality Types."  Everyone fits in to some group, even if it's just a little. 

1.) The "Forever Asserting Their Own Agenda" Meeting Personality.  

This is the person who, no matter what the topic is of the meeting or the specific matter being discussed at the moment, has to insert his own agenda; whether it be a gripe, a dig at a particular person, or a blatant grab for accolades.  The "Forever Asserting Their Own Agenda" person has mastered the art of the self-serving segue: Which always leads back to their own not-so-hidden message. They try to cover their motives with sappy compliments and shameless kiss-assery. 

    Phil: I think the IT team has done a fabulous job implementing our changes.

    FSOA Person: Yes, and if I had a full team instead of three part-timers, I could do my     work just as efficiently as our crack IT team. Well done, Boys!

2.) The "Put Out to Be Here" Meeting Personality.  

This is me.  There is nothing I like more than to rush into a meeting (because I'm drop dead busy an barely have the time to make it), plop myself down, dramatically sprawling my papers and accouterments all over the table. With a GIANT Starbucks in hand (because I'm drop dead busy and barely have time to sleep or get lunch) I act like the whole meeting is the most boring waste of time ever. Secretly, these people (me) are just happy to be called to a meeting at all. That someone wants their input on even the most minuscule item is a total rush--don't let the 'huffs and puffs,' big exaggerated yawns, and constant checking of their iPhone fool you. 

3.) The "Contrarian" Meeting Personality.  

This person is hands-down the most annoying meeting personality. They often start their flood of questions with the word "question," like this, "Question, why do WE have to pay for any of this?" and their favorite expressions include: "Let me play devil's advocate here," and "Yes, but on the other side of the coin."  

Argh! These were the people in college that when they raised their hands in class, you heard an audible groan from the rest of the pupils.  

4.) The "Thinks He's Will Ferrel & Sometimes Speaks in a Bad Fake English Accent" Meeting Personality.  

From first glance, you might think this person would be the most annoying, but not so (see #3).  Even when this person breaks into a reenactment of the latest SNL skit or repeatedly uses the latest catch phrase (Yeah, Baby. Be-Bye. That's What She Said) or decides to speak in an English, German or Canadian accent sporadically throughout the meeting, they still have their place in a meeting, if not just to give us all someone to bounce our eye rolls off of or to get us all something to drink by playing along, "Be a lovely and go fetch us all a spot of tea, Mate." Oh, they love that and will do anything if asked in this way. 

5.) The "This Meeting is Totally Justified" Meeting Personality. 

This is almost always the person who organized the meeting, but sometimes falls on the assistant of the person who called the meeting.  They constantly are reminding you they called the meeting, why they called the meeting and how happy they are that there is, thankfully, a meeting and at the end, how useful the meeting has been to everyone involved. The further the distance the attendees had to travel to get to the meeting, the stronger the personality trait.  

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Other Friday Fives:

Five ways to use '80s music to annoy your children and amuse yourself.

Five things my high school boyfriend is doing now if my mom's predictions came true.

 

Friday Five: Five ways to know you are (really) late for your own funeral

 

For Halloween a very creepy Friday Five.

 

How to know you are really late for your own funeral.

1) Your children, who are now fully grown, cut you off in the parking lot with the Escalades they bought with their inheritance money. 

2) You unknowingly compliment your husband's new wife on her shoes. 

3) Reading your eulogy, your brother keeps referring to you crossly as his "late, VERY, VERY late, beloved Sister." 

4) The pew you are sitting in is dedicated "in memory of" you. 

5) When you go to sign your guest book, your fingers shatter into a million pieces.

Inspired by Beetlejuice when I wrote this :)

Happy Halloween!

Friday Five: Five ways to use '80s music lyrics to annoy your kids and entertain yourself

I'm eight years into this parenting thing, which is far enough along to develop a few"tricks" to help me get through the squimishes and mind-numbing monotony that come with your mommy badge.  

I think every mom has these little tools. They are like little idiosyncratic things I do to keep myself from boarding the crazy train everyday around 5 pm.  They are inside jokes, really inside, like just to myself.  

Because I'm an eighties music connoisseur, or "geek" as some people might see it, mine revolves around lyrics from all the songs I listened to long before I knew what a Diaper Genie was, could recite the book "Red Fish Blue Fish" by heart or catch a stray spitwad midair before it hits an innocent bystander. You know, pre-kid.  

Five ways to use '80s music lyrics to annoy your kids and entertain yourself

1.) "Look at that! YOUR KISS IS ON MY LIST!" 

"Kiss on My List" by Hall & Oats: You must say this to your kid every time you have a list in your hand to produce the gratifying eye-roll or treasured "MOM!" 

 

2.) "Listen Mister, YOU'RE LIVING IN YOUR OWN PRIVATE IDAHO if you think you're getting a special treat now!"  

Private Idaho by The B-52s: Nothing like a little B-52's to cheer your day and really get under your kids' skin. 

 

3.) "FRANKLY MR. SHANKLY, I don't care what your friends are doing, you're not going." 

Frankly Mr. Shankly by The Smiths: Actually, Morrissey provides a plethora of quotable irritating lines.  Signing the lyrics of "HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW," while following your pouting kid around the house is an advanced move, but it works wonders.

 

4.) This is best used in a team effort with other adult.

"Ben, didn't want to say 'hi' to his teacher. He was TOO SHY SHY."  

Other adult, "Hush Hush."  

In unison "EYE TO EYE. TOO SHY SHY. HUSH HUSH. EYE TO EYE..."

 Too Shy by Kajagoogoo: Keep signing until they beg you to stop. Both our kids are very outgoing and friendly now.

   

5.) "YOU CAN CRY IF YOU WANT TO," or "YOU CAN ARGUE IF YOU WANT TO," this one can be tailored to anything your kid is doing that is bothering you.  I like to make up my own words for the whole verse, like this, 

"YOU CAN WHINE IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN KISS YOUR PRIVILEGES GOODBYE, BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS DON'T WHINE, AND IF THEY DON'T WHINE THEN THEY GET ALL THEIR DS TIME."  

Men Without Hats Safety Dance: Accompanied by the hand movements, this is wickedly annoying to kids. 

Other Friday Fives: 

Five personal advantages to the financial crisis.

Five things I did last night to avoid working.

(I couldn't get these videos to center on the post.  Argh!)

Friday Five: Five surprising reasons to watch Real Housewives of Orange County

 

You might think that The Real Housewives of Orange County is a frivolous show, a time-waster, just another reason to move to Portland, but there are some perfectly solid reason to tune-in to those housewives on Bravo, Nov. 5th.   In past episodes they have proven to be helpful, insightful, and entertaining, but possibly not in the way they intended.  

Here are some surprising reason to watch The Real Housewives of O.C.  

1. For Parenting Advice:  Here's how you can gain parenting guidance from the gals on RHOO--do exactly the opposite of what they do. If they have a suggestion on parenting take it, but just flip in around. You'll be golden.  

2. For An Ego Boost: There is nothing that makes me feel like a better mom (or person) than a dose of RHOO. The phrase "I'm not THAT bad" runs repeated through my head while watching, like some kind of self-affirmation conveyer belt. They're like the Tony Robbins of Bravo. 

3. For The Suspense: Heels, alcohol, and poor judgement make it a better suspense show than CSI--someone, at some point is going down: Literally or figuratively. 

4. Etiquette, style and decorum lessons:  Jo from Season 1 says to her friend while getting ready to go out: Yeah, don't show your butt, it will be classier like that.  Or when Vicki says this about tattoos in during Season 4: It's inappropriate to put that stuff (but she didn't say stuff) on your body. Because no one rocks the natural, no-alterations needed-look like Vicki.

5. Finding new ways of looking at the world: Lauri says in an interview on the show in Season 3: My life has turned around 360 degrees. Referring to how she used to be flat broke and single and now married and loaded, you might think she meant 180 degrees, as in it's totally different than before. But no, she means life is a circle.  It's the circle of life.

You see, these gals are actually brilliant social commentators, week after week pointing out the irony and satire of modern life. Right? I mean, it's educational. 

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Read my "The (more) Real(istic) Housewives of Orange County" post.

Friday Five: Five men who have my permission to wear tank tops

In my opinion, aside from Speedos, the tank top is the most perilous of the all male garments.  The donning of the tank top by a man should only be undertaken with the distinct permission from a women in their life--preferably not their mother--and I strongly urge any women to consult the list below when choosing what guy can wear a tank top and why.  

These are the only five men I grant permission to wear a tank top in public. 

#1 Richard Simmons. No one wears a Bedazzled tank top like Richard. He is allowed because any other kind of garment on him is just wrong--sports coat, cashmere sweater?  Eww, wrong!  Rule: If you permeate zero masculinity, and in fact are a male who is like a vortex of male energy, you are allowed to wear a tank.

    

( I double-dog dare you to click and enlarge this photo.) 

#2 My brother, Randall.  Both my brothers actually, but I could only find a picture of Randall wearing a tank.  In fact, I was hard-pressed to find a picture of either of them with a shirts on at all.   Rule: Brothers are allowed to wear tanks if they have the chest hair of a 20-year-old.  They are, confusingly, grandfathered in. 

 

 

(Please, I'm begging you, whatever you do don't leave a comment saying he's cute. For heaven's sakes, he already thinks every girl has a crush on him.  We don't want to encourage him.) #3 Gerard Butler. If you're in prison and working out by doing pull-ups from the grids on the ceiling and you're Gerard Butler, by all means, wear a tank top. Rule: Obvious studliness gets a pass on the tank top.

#4 The Harlem Globe Trotters.  I would say all athletes, but that really leaves the door too wide open for singlet-style tanks and those self-cut tanks made from Gold's Gym T-shirts that are open all the way down the side.  So I wanted to be very specific.  Rule: If you are a professional athlete (or just play one on the court) and have a retro-vibe going, you are allowed to wear the tank--but, only while performing your sport. 

 

#5 Steve Perry from Journey.  No one rocked the sleeves cut off a regular t-shirt, '80s tank top like Steve Perry.   This video is one of my all-time favorites and, I think, the BEST 80's video EVER.  Rule: If you're Steve Perry, you can wear whatever you want.

 

Love his shirt in the video? Want one of your own? You can order it here, just take scissors to the sleeves and you're good to go. I got one for my friend's husband. Will include note he can only wear in public if he has expressed, written permission from his wife (which he will never get, so don't worry).

 

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Other Friday Fives:

Five song lyrics and their resulting legal action. 

Five Jane Austin links.

 

 

 

 

Friday Five: My top five movie boyfriends

1. Lloyd Dobler in "Say Anything." 

 Lloyd, played by John Cusack, is graciously honest, quietly confident , and completely devoted to Diane.   This is one of my favorite scenes from "Say Anything" where he tells Diane's dad what he wants, no, doesn't want, to do with his life. Classic Lloyd Dobler. 

 

 

(This clip is from my YouTube Channel: SuzClips.  I choose my favorite clips from movies or copy and post them myself if I can find them. )

2. Mr.Darcy from "Pride and Prejudice": The Matthew Macfadyen version.   

Oh, Mr. Darcy with your long black jacket, wildly successful career, and sullen-faced attitude, you're no match for Lizzy's wit and charm.  Give up already and admit you love her...

 

...nicely done, Mr. Darcy.

3. Robby Benson as Nick Peterson in Ice Castles. 

(Read my whole post about him.) 

4. Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles. 

I dare you to find a female between the ages of 35-45 years old who didn't have a major, rewind the VHS a million times to the birthday cake scene, crush on Jake Ryan.  

 

5. Westly in Princess Bride.  

All he said was "As you wish..."  That about closes the deal for me and he's got that whole Dread Pirate Roberts thing going on the side.  Irresistible. 

 

# 1 is really up for grabs between Mr. Darcy and Lloyd Dobler.  I'd like to see them fight over me for it.

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Other Friday Fives

Five tips and factoids for male readers of Alive in Wonderland

My top five '70s TV crushes.

Julie & Julia plus my top five romantic comedies

I guess I consider myself a romantic comedy connoisseur.  Maybe even an expert or possibly an aficionado, for sure a snob. More than just casual 'date night' entertainment, I expect a lot from my romantic comedies and Nora Ephron (oh, add name dropper to the list), Julie & Julia's writer and director, almost always delivers.   

The worst thing about being an expert about anything is when it's done badly, it's pure torture to watch.  Let's say you were really, really into, I don't know, blowing bubble gum bubbles and you are forced to, no, have to pay to watch someone doing it all wrong, or not the way you would do it--making a sticky mess with small careless, unacceptable bubbles.  That is what it's like for me when I watch a bad romantic comedy (Like any movie Jennifer Aniston has made...pick anyone.) Luckily, Julie & Julia is a good movie. A great one, with exceptions. 

Larry was one of three men in the almost full theatre when we went to see it last week. I suppose being a chick movie about cooking gave this movie a one-two punch that even a cameo of Jason Bourne concocting a Molotov cocktail from one of Julia's discarded olive oil bottles couldn't dodge.  But, even without that, (I think brilliant image)  Larry enjoyed it. He's like that, all big and tough, but he will nudge me in a movie and say things like "That's just like you," "Cute dog," or "I like that kitchen."   

Nora Ephron is the master of romantic comedies: When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle...you get the idea.  She is absolutely my romantic comedy idol (and very funny) and she has made this movie sweet and likable even with its flaws--like making Julie less adorable and more whiney and dreary. 

There were so many things in this movie that were so Ephron;  the way Julie holds her ranch-dipped carrot as she talked, the mix of '40s jazz and modern music, the manner that Paul (Julia's husband) asks her if she really wants to make hats, and even blatant lines from her other movies, "You're right. You're right. I know you're right" is straight out of "When Harry Met Sally."  

The best test of a good romantic comedy is if the next day you still feel a residual warm, golden, syrupy sweetness in your heart that you can't quite pinpoint, but makes you want to throw your arms around your husband and laugh at his silly ways when he forgets to run the dishwasher, again.  A great one should make you feel your heartbreak is part of some super corny, yet noble global sorority, not alone in your bedroom watching a movie on Lifetime at 1 a.m.  They should leave you happy, hopeful and quoting memorable lines for years to come. 

My top five romantic comedies:

When Harry Met Sally

His Girl Friday

Bridget Jones' Diary

Sleepless in Seattle

Roxanne

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Other Amateurish Reviews by Me:

Bustin' Down the Door

Atonement

June gloom calls for Ella

Today's Ben's last day of preschool and Em's last day is Friday.  It's hard to imagine it will be summer vacation since the weather is so gloomy and dreary.  But, if you grew-up in Orange County, this is what you expect. It was a tradition to wear your shorts and tank tops the last week of school--and pretend you weren't freezing.  

The great thing about June gloom is by late afternoon the sun usually wins out, like in the picture taken in Huntington Beach.  I love the beach when it's empty and orderly like this, so peaceful.   

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When the weather is dreary, I have to listen to Ella Fitzgerald. 

Five tips/factoids for the male readers of Alive in Wonderland

 

1.) Jane Austen is NOT Steve Austin's, The Six Million Dollar Man Bionic Man, sister.  She's a famous author.

2.) Leaving a comment calling me a "spoiled, boy-chested, journalism school dropout," while accurate, doesn't hurt my feelings and in the end only makes me happy because it's obvious you've read my blog so thoroughly.

3.)  If you ever need to de-girlie yourself after a particularly estrogen-laden post, watch this The Ducks vs. The Flames video where no less than 10 fights breakout during a six minute period.  I love that the announcers start to discuss who would win if the coaches were to fight each other.  

4.) Rest-assured, you're not the only one, Chris reads my blog, too.

5.)  I have always wanted to sing the female part  of the song "Poison Arrow," by ABC in Karaoke: "I care enough to know...I could NEVER love you!" But, my husband, and every other male I've asked won't do it with me.  If you are interested, and you own a gold lamé suit, email me at [email protected]. 

More Friday Five:

Five things I did last night to avoid working

Five personal advantages of the financial crisis

Friday Five: My top five '70s TV crushes

In order of coolness to young girls in the '70s--number five being my biggest crush.

1.) Baretta.
Listen: He loved animals, he carried a gun, and he wore clean, white tanks. What more could a young girl ask for?

2) Stanley "Wojo" Woiciehowicz from Barney Miller.
He had that Polish-American immigrant, big, dopey charm I just couldn't resist (and which served as a prelude to my '80s Lech Walesa crush).

3.) Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce from M*A*S*H.
I was drawn to his banter, confidence, and practical joke prowess. His East Coast, college educated air was magical to California-girl-me.

4.) Michael Landon on Little House on the Prairie. I really love Charles Ingles. Though he would have wanted me to go camping, which is grounds for instantly ending any relationship, but he was still, well--M.E.O.W!

5.) The Fonz.
Like you really need me to list the reasons--"Aaaayhh!"

(Yes Fonz, you're three cooler.)

I loved the Fonz so much that when I was about eight-years old I insisted everyone call me "The Suz." I even made signs for my room.

My friend Jana begged me not to post that story about "The Suz" on my blog. She thinks it makes me look like a dork-a-mundo.

Other Friday Fives:

Five things my mom never said to me in high school.

Five lyrics to '70s easy listening songs that I hope aren't true.

Five Ways You Know You Are Really, Really Late For Your Own Funeral

1) Your children, who are now fully-grown, cut you off in the parking lot with the Escalades they bought with their inheritance.

2) You unknowingly complement your husband's new wife on her shoes.

3) Reading your eulogy, your brother keeps referring to you crossly as his "late, very, very late, beloved sister."

4) The pew you are sitting in is dedicated "in memory of" you.

5) When you go to sign your guest book, your fingers shatter into a million pieces.

Happy Halloween!

Friday Five: Personal advantages of the financial crisis

You no longer have to sit through someone's long, detailed description of their kitchen remodel.

You now have a solid excuse to cancel your gym membership.

You get to rediscover the knock-off magic of Old Navy.

You have always secretly loved In-N-Out burger more than sushi.

A nap is now considered a viable leisure activity due to its thriftiness.

More Friday Five:

"Five things that creep me out."

"Five things I love that are English"

The four deadly party personality types

The Crashing Bore

Favorite topics of conversation: Possible deadly reaction of buffet food to their medication. The "freaky" dream they had last night. How cool they were in high school.

How to handle: Play interested. To everything shake your head and say "that's interesting." (Note: This only works if your spouse knows that when you say something is interesting, it means you think it's not interesting.)

   The Arrogant Real Estate Related Professional

Favorite topics of conversation: Their weekend at "the River." How much they bought their house for in 1998. Wine.

How to handle: Play dumb. Act as if you haven't ever heard of anything they are talking about.
"What river?" "Where is Villa Park?" "Is that a type of alcoholic beverage?"

The Salesman

Favorite topic of conversation: How much money you could be making selling (fill in blank here). How much money they made last year. How much money do you want to make?

How to handle: Say you and your spouse have more money than you could possible manage already. "We are loaded. My husband makes so much money, I wouldn't know what to do with any more." Then blow your nose in a twenty dollar bill and throw it on the ground, just to drive the point home.

Minute-Detail Talker

Favorite topic of conversation: The difference between French goat cheese (or chèvre) and domestic sheep cheese. The thread count of the napkins and why I should care. How she wanted to bring her New Graphic Op Art Large Sabrina bag by Coach but was afraid the bold pattern would throw off her Dolce & Gabbana Satin Psychedelic Dress she got at....

How to handle: Ask the waiter if they serve Mountain Dew, when they don't  storm off and go sit at another table.

 

Recent party story: (read THAT story here), 

Friday Five: Five videos that would have been perfect on Noggin, if Noggin were around in the '80s

...or five videos from the '80s that could be children's music videos made today and played relentlessly on Noggin...or Playhouse Disney.

Toni Basil--Mickey

Madness--House of Fun

OMD--Locomotion

Devo--Through Being Cool (Will require explanation of words "ninny" and "twit.")

Altered Images--I Could Be Happy (Running Lion and bouncing ball over lyrics makes this the clear winner.)

Friday Five: Five notes of a hopelessly unskilled housewife

Other notes:

"Note found in fridge"

"Note found on the bathroom door"

Friday Five: Five things I did last night to avoid working

***my deadline for BQ is this weekend*** so this is what I did last night instead of finishing my work***rest assured, my editor doesn't read my blog***

1.) Watched the entire Joe Strummer: The Future is Unwritten documentary on YouTube: The first of 11 (!) videos here.

2.) Felt so sad about Joe that I ate a massive bowl of Cheerios to make myself feel better.

3.) Ordered the movie "The Flamingo Kid" from Amazon. Planning to download the clip of Matt Dillon humming while eating dinner at his girlfriend's house. So funny. Will share.

4.) Killed an hour searching the remarkable and bizarre clip art at CSA Images for possible artwork for Friday Five.

5.) Wrote four pages of dialogue for my sitcom treatment. Why is the pressure of "suppose to be doing something else" so inspiring? I suspect most great works of literature/art/music were written when the author/artist/musician was meant to be working on something entirely different.

The Sistine Chapel? Michelangelo was supposed to be painting his sister's kitchen.

Other Friday Five:
"Five uses for those annoying magazine inserts"
"Five links to Jane Austen and Friends"