Alive In Wonderland... but just barely

I have a bit of news, I've been offered my own column on OCRegister.com, the online version of The Orange County Register.

How did I manage that? Well, I have completely fooled Keith Sharon of The Morning Read into thinking I am clever and can actually string words together into something remotely interesting--kindly, has offered me a spot on his page.

It's called "Alive in Wonderland" and it will be all about me (who else, really?) and my life in Wonderland Orange County. Kind of like Carrie Bradshaw's column, but without all the sex talk, or the $600 shoes, or the insipid friends, or the backdrop of a glamorous city...okay, nothing like her column actually. Forget that.

It will be made up of stuff like, exactly like, this and this, and little moments like this.

Since the day Keith called me to tell me "You got it," I have been rendered completely unable to write a single thing. I am bound up with fear that I will never write anything good--ever again. I have this dread every time I finish writting something, I think, "Well, that's it! That's the last of it. It's been fun. But, it's all over."

Now, it feels true. You see my muse is prone to long fits of self-doubt that she masks with precocious chatter and flightiness. Her faulty ignition can be wildly unresponsive to my pleas to come and visit.

It's all about what works for her.

Just to keep myself busy until her return, I have found just about everything to do at my computer BUT write. See my nifty "Dig This" and "Save to del.icio.us" buttons below? See my new "Flickr!" widget to the right? I have updated my profile on over ten sites, commented on new blogs and have badgered Chris at Dharma Bum at work with mindless emails. I even organized a drawer in my desk...everything but write.

(Oh, wait, I'm writing, I'm writing about not writing...I've found a secret portal...okay, don't call any attention to yourself...just keep typing, real casual-like.)

Here are some tag lines I have thought of for "Alive in Wonderland."

An amusing look at life in Orange County through the (something here) eyes of one Wonderland dweller.

Life can get pretty absurd here…once I saw someone actually walking to Target.

You don’t have to wear the dress, but you have to live the nonsense.

Welcome to Wonderland, can you please remove your Ugg Boots, show me your Fast Pass and one form of unease?

Orange County: Enchanting? No. Funny? Yes!

Through the rabbit hole of the 55 Freeway.

The first one is the real one (which still needs an adjective), the others were just to give Keith reason to doubt his decision.

I am going to sneak off now and write something else before a particular someone realizes what is happening and runs away again...

(The image of what I think my muse looks like was lifted from the impossibly talented Emily at The Black Apple on Etsy. (Where else?)

Comments

[Chris]

A favorite:

When I Met My Muse

I glanced at her and took my glasses
off--they were still singing. They buzzed
like a locust on the coffee table and then
ceased. Her voice belled forth, and the
sunlight bent. I felt the ceiling arch, and
knew that nails up there took a new grip
on whatever they touched. "I am your own
way of looking at things," she said. "When
you allow me to live with you, every
glance at the world around you will be
a sort of salvation." And I took her hand.

William Stafford

[Nannette Spencer]

C-O-N-G-R-A-T-S! I'm so proud and happy for you! I can't wait to read it every day....weeeeeeeee! :)

[lisa]

that wiley keith. did he use the words "famous" or "like dooce" or "trust me?" heehee! what fun suz. i can't wait either, i'll bookmark you. and btw, your friend chris has the best taste in poetry! i'm printing the stafford and putting it on my wall.
oops! gotta go draw some alive/alice :)

[Carrie]

. . . and I knew you when. Congratulations! I'm waiting for your book deal.

[Carrie]

I just had a great idea...how 'bout I come to move in with you (I'm obsessed with OC) and I'll do your laundry (love laundry) and organize your drawers so you can write, write, write. You've gotten so big and all, you need a live-in personal assistant, don't you?

[Eric]

I can relate to getting what you want and then being stunned by it. Its all good - congrads on getting the column.

[Marie Sackett]

Now when we google the name "Broughton" I wonder who will come first? Congrats, the readers of OC are in for a treat!

[Barbie Sometimes]

No way! But not sex talk, sounds a little boring. Just kidding. This is great.
Barbie Sometimes

[Nat]

Oh, well that's just great...you aren't by any chance going to start writing for "Car and Driver" are you? Then you would be almost everywhere...better you then someone else. I don't even know what that means.
I like the "Dress" one for your tag.

[Gloria]

What wonderful news.....congratualations! Looking forward to the smiles you put on my face when I read your thoughts....

[Keli Horton]

wonderful news... great job.. way to go. Keli

[Suzanne]

Thanks to everyone for you nice words and support!
Chris, I love it. Thanks for posting the poem.
Nannette, not everyday but most likely two times a week, but everyday here of course. Thanks for your weeee!
Lisa, I hope Keith doesn't end up regretting the day he ever heard of me.
Carrie, oh Carrie, it does sound tempting, but your poor husband would miss you too much. Can I just Fed Ex you my laundry?
Eric, thanks for the encouragement. Tell Annie congrats too on her post on sf girl by the bay.
Marie, try the google now, "Accomplished" suzanne broughton hates my guts now I'm sure!
Barbie and Nat, thanks. I like the dress one too.
Gloria, always supportive, since I was sixteen, always supportive. Thanks!
Keli, Thanks.

Your grateful friend,
suzanne

[Marcy]

I am so thrilled for you!!!!
(Okay I am jealous too!)
If you need photos for the OCreg- give me a call-I will shoot for free as a congrat gift!!!
www.marcyphotos.com

[Debbie]

OMG--That is so exciting. I will totally bookmark you. I love reading your 'take' on life. I too am totally obsessed with Orange County. Maybe because I am frozen in today.
Debbie

[Doug]

Ahhh, you are so going to knock 'em dead. I know it is hard sometimes to do what you love to do on cue, but you'll be fine. Just don't try so hard, it will come.
Your muse is hot.
Doug

[Karen B]

I can't wait. You are so much fun to read. I need to get Bloglines. I keep forgetting about you. And then I have alot of reading to do to catch up.